Breakups can be painful, especially if you considered the relationship to be a serious one that you wanted to last forever. After ending my five year relationship earlier this year and being what felt like a constant state of grieving, I have finally found healing and peace and want to share how I was able to do so. The key to mastering getting over a breakup is to be better, not bitter and to focus on YOU. Here are 10 things I did in order to heal:
1. Cut all ties and avoid contact with your ex.
Make it easier for yourself and cut all ties. This will eliminate the back and forth you’ll go mentally and make things less confusing in the long run. It is definitely easier said than done especially when there is a lot of history there.
2. Be real with yourself and your feelings.
One of the worst things you can do during a breakup is fake your feelings. Understand that it is okay not to be okay and that everything you are feeling is valid and you are human. If you are down, don’t pretend to feel sad and vice versa. Faking it to you make is a great strategy for some situations, but certainly not ones like this where you will eventually come face to face with those emotions you have been harboring.
3. Give yourself time to grieve.
Regardless of the circumstances, a breakup is a loss and requires grieving just like anything else you lose. Don’t rush your healing process because that’s what it is- a process. It takes time and has its ups and downs. Time is essential to healing and truly moving on. Don’t rush it. Be patient. Healing calls for patience.
4. Be easy on yourself and remember to give yourself grace.
This is probably one of the most important things to remember, yet the easiest to forget. If you are anything like me and hard on yourself, be gentle and kind to yourself during your times of fragility. There will be setbacks and the only way to overcome them is to just let yourself be and not put any more pressure on yourself.
5. Surround yourself with a great support system.
Being surround by a genuine support system will give you more emotional support than you think. Breakups are a lonely process and it is so easy to feel like you need to isolate yourself. Don’t! That is what a support system is. Let your loved ones in and lean on them when you need to, whether it is to talk it out or simply feel the warmth of having others around.
6. Find healthy distractions.
“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop/playground”. Distractions do not always have to be a bad thing, especially if they are healthy. Finding new hobbies, doing new things, etc. are great ways to do something positive to keep you occupied.
Forgiveness is truly for yourself, not meant to excuse the other person. If you truly want to heal and be at a state of peace, you have to find a way to forgive. It will take time and sometimes you may question if they were even deserving of forgiveness, but keep in mind it is for your own good in the end. This will help you eliminate guilt and let go of grudges.
8. Make self-care a priority.
No one knows what you need in order to feel better but you. Take care of yourself and make your mental health a priority. Put yourself first and give yourself your own undivided attention.
9. Create your own closure if none exists.
Sometimes the only closure you have is no closure and that is okay. Let the healed, better version of yourself be your closure. Don’t look for answers that you may never receive. Accept everything for what it is and find a way to come to terms with it.
10. Bask in your singleness.
Don’t rush your singleness. Embrace it. Take this time to dig deep and really get to know yourself. Instead of jumping into the next relationship, take your time enjoying the process of finding yourself. That way, you will know what you truly want and need from your partner when it is time for your next relationship.